our fathers were our models for god. if our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about god?

listen to me. you have to consider the possibility that god does not like you. he never wanted you. in all probability, he hates you. this is not the worst thing that can happen.

excerpts

A suburb is a working-class prison. It's designed to indoctrinate you to the way of life it espouses: 2.2 kids, car, dog, picket fence. Wife or husband, depending on your preference. Mortgage, credit card bills. A whole catalogue of goods, necessary for your psychological health. A whole catalogue of pills, necessary for your psychological health. All priced just high enough that the only cost of happiness is wage-slavery. Indentured servitude to a lifestyle. We know we're supposed to get a house and a high-paying job because that's what our parents have. We know we're supposed to knock up some poor broad because, well, we're here aren't we?

But there's an odd, post-modern awareness of the American dream now. Everyone knows that Leave It To Beaver is not an accurate representation of life at age x (x being, you know, the age you give up on all your dreams and settle down.) Stupid, identical homes sitting on lots in California where it never snows and nobody ever dies and no one's ever worried they won't make their car payments this month? We know this is horseshit. Pop culture has swung completely around, and now we are bombarded with messages about how incredibly naive the idealized 50s world of Leave It To Beaver really was. But nobody's got anything better to offer us anymore. There's a gaping void in our collective consciousness. All of a sudden irony is in vogue, and now we're undermining everything our parents were taught to believe. But nobody stepped up to the plate to try and find a new dream for us.

So now we have no dream except the nightmare of the destruction of the old one. Pass me a pipe bomb I guess.

economic downturn

it doesn't count as being laid off if you are still employed but not scheduled.

screaming into microphones for attention

what if the whole world economy collapsed? completely and totally?

the weird thing about not having stuff to worry about is that it's boring. it has been kind of upsetting to note that it appears my mental state is either totally stressed out or completely apathetic. i'm either tearing my hair out about something stupid that i fucked up, generally having to do with banks and/or money, or i am fucking bored.

it's not that my life right now is bad, not by any stretch of the imagination. it's just uneventful.

september to may

have you really changed so much since then? has it really been that long?

one minute you're here, now you're gone

you start to feel crazy when you find yourself talking to someone and gradually drifting into solo free-association

is that from something, or did you just make that up

great songs, great brownie, great 3d glasses. pretty good day.

i know no one reads this but i figured i'd update the internet. i never went back to undercover s.s. to say hi to that girl. i did wave at her on saturday when we were getting the gear to go to our show.

story of my life, right. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you.

lost in the sound of separation

can't sleep really well. i stay in bed way too long and then when i get up i'm in zombie mode the whole day. dunno what's wrong w/me.

p.s.

great inauguration today. and why the fuck didn't anyone tell me about the song "southpaw" earlier? holy fucking jesus christ.

we're all quiet boys at best

we got 28 days to work with.

haven't bathed in a few. hair is a new level of gross. can't quit smoking. friends and girls and drama. i love my life despite some of its occasional annoyances.

after the events of last night (i.e. me staying up way too late and feeling depressed) i have come to terms with my facebook relationship status. the girl who works at undercover s.s. is cute, she is a theology major (graduated!) and she was reading dostoyevsky. out of my league? most certainly. in celebration of my newfound confidence and against the urgings of every neuron in my brain i think i will ask her to come hang out with me sometime.

i was listening to take notice and now the most recent (Louder Now) taking back sunday album is playing. how long will i wait to switch to a good album? only time will tell.

no you won't ever get too far from me

i just realized it's passe to be male and in touch with your emotions. its cool to be a jock now.

what frightens me the most is that this may have been the case the entire time, and i may just be a fool

at times i wonder if my expectations for my love life are too high. i wish a team of scientists would observe me for a week, then offer suggestions as to how i could improve my search for a nice lady.

the new watu record tracklist playlist

in terms of Less Than Jake, Lifetime, Kid Dynamite and with contributions by the Fullblast and the Flatliners

1. last one out of liberty city

2. just a quiet evening

3. all my best friends are metalheads

4. haircuts and t-shirts

5. daneurysm

6. turnpike gates

7. this respirator

8. dunno about this one yet.

9. history of a boring town

10. heart a tact

11. bookworm

12. you came out of the closet and you were wearing a silverstein hoodie

13. all nite long

14. give em the ripped one

keepin it upbeat - best of 08 part 1

just so this shit isn't 100% bitching i'll talk about last year for a bit. in installments. part one is the obvious top whatever records of 08. but to mix that up a bit i think i'm just going to make a list of everything i listened to a ton this past year. some are new records, some are ones that have been out forever, some were on the top ten list of 07. fuck off.

sonic boom six - arcade perfect. i haven't enjoyed a 'ska band' this much since I heard the Resignation in eleventh grade. this band is fucking amazing, a great mix of styles and the whole thing still feels coherent. there aren't many bands i would want to tour with just for the pleasure of watching them every night but this is one of them.

paint it black - cva, paradise, new lexicon. i was into paradise in 07, i think, but hearing new lexicon this past year caused me to go back and listen to PIB's whole catalogue in more depth this year. i don't think i'm anywhere near to internalizing it as much as i have some other bands, but that is what 09 is for. the fact that they have put out three records that display a clear direction in terms of musical growth... i want to be in a band like that.

the gaslight anthem - the '59 sound. i am not sure yet if this band is just a favorite when i'm feeling down or if i really love them yet. i listened to the damn record plenty in 08, but i can't really tell why. it must be included due to the sheer number of plays.

bayside - shudder. not pop-punk in the way you'd think, but that is to their benefit. once i learned to love the vocal delivery i got into this record in a big way. my favs on here are songs i will love forever.

punchline - just say yes. never really got into p-line before. used to be brandon's thing, i didn't really get down except on the occasions we would hear it in his car. then this record came out and made me realize i really, really like them. songwriting is varied. the album gets real mellow in places, but its in a good way. they've obviously written many straightforward pop punk songs in their day, so the sound of them opening up and exploring more varied styles is pretty interesting. i can't say i'd ever take my band in that direction, even after putting out as many records as they have, but i think it works for them. i'm definitely going to explore more of the back catalogue in '09.

less than jake - gnv fla. they proved you can go home again. its not their best work, and i was bummed it wasn't as stellar as i hoped, because god knows how long it will be before they get a chance to prove themselves again. still, it got them back on track, and the best songs on gnv fla are up there with my favorite less than jake songs. i think more listening in 09 will yield some more favorites off of this record.

h2o - nothing to prove. this record introduced me to h20, and made me understand melodic hardcore in a new way. i don't agree with everything they did on here but it's solid, got awesome hooks and great playing. that wasn't as much bullshit as it sounded.

hostage calm - lens. this band opened my mind to songwriting ideas i hadn't been open to before. listening to this record was an effort in trying to understand how the hell a human being could write music this good. i look forward to their future in making music.

the one overriding feeling i have regarding all of these is that i still feel like i don't know these records that well. the top 10 of 07 were records i liked so much i learned them inside and out. this past year i feel like i can't hardly remember the records i listened to the most. and the fact that i can't name 10 new records i enjoyed this year kind of speaks to that. i think the last six months of 08 being such a blur kind of contributed to that. i think one of my resolutions for 09 may be to "pay better attention."

if you lived here, you'd be home already

i feel rather selfish and stupid for not being completely satisfied with my life right now. plenty of stuff is going great, especially with the band. the feeling of just sitting and waiting is a little frustrating but i have faith this stuff is going to come through for us. the process of working on the new record has been the most fulfilling thing i have done in a long time and it's kept me going throughout the past month, one which historically has been a bad month of the year for me.

despite all this, i still think living here is the worst. being around my family is basically like being alone. steve's probably the closest thing i have to a friend among any of them and we still aren't that tight. i miss being downtown, living with other people, being able to go out and do whatever i want. i miss being able to just walk down the street to a friend's house when i'm feeling shitty.

going to the bar has lost it's luster, i think. but where else are you supposed to meet people when you are twenty-one and living in a college town?

I made a blog

Shit son I made a blog. Now I can post about random shit on the internet and read what other fuckers have also written on the internet. All the cool kids are doing it. Apparently.